I am Okay!-ish

So I have been away for quite some time, 2 months to be exact. Work has been rough and I have been spending my days off by playing games, spending time with my boy or with my mom or reading books. I am trying to not be on my phone for hours on end and I am trying to not stay in my room, in my bed, and on my phone for hours on end as well.

That would literally be my day until Alex got home from work.

I noticed around November – December I would feel this heavy weight on my shoulders and I never felt happy or excited to do anything or go anywhere. When I would spend time with people or talk with friends the feeling would linger, but not collapse completely.

It’s so funny to me sometimes how I have those moments where I ponder talking to a professional about my feelings and where I am in life, but then its like I become my own professional/mentor?

I then began to take a step back and look at myself in a metaphorical mirror and I try to see what I can for myself to help me get out of this hole I found myself in.

I tend to consume a good amount of caffeine so I keep in mind to follow that with water. If I am in a rut I tend to just sit in it and feel bad for myself and find distractions where instead I notice when I am in a rut and try to get myself out by spending time with someone I care about or doing something I enjoy. Performing these solutions has helped me out a lot, but I still have my moments.

Example being one day I pushed myself just to go to Target for a few things just to get myself out of the house. I was feeling extremely anti-social but I made myself go and do it anyway. My plan was to stay home all day, until my mom texted me asking me if I wanted to hangout.

I originally felt anxious about the thought of leaving and being home on time for me to wake up for work the next morning. I shook my anxious thoughts and remembered how warm and fuzzy spending time with my mom always makes me feel. I never not enjoy spending time with her or around her. I pushed myself to go spend time with her and you know what? It was the best. I love you, Mom!

I didn’t understand why I felt that way. I usually don’t.

I have also taken to spending time with friends in person. I got so excited I cleaned my entire apartment! I was very determined to get out of the slump I found myself in. I even decided to make dinner for each and every one of them! I don’t think I really went out of my way to let them know, but I wanted them to know I cared and I wanted to show it by making them a wonderful meal in a clean and friendly space!

I don’t think they had any idea exactly how long it has been since I had friends over. I want to say it has been about a year? Family aside and friends of Alex, of course! It may have even been longer than a year.

Why a year? Well I am not so sure. I really enjoyed having my own space once living in an apartment, but also that meant being considerate and not having limited space. If you and I have spoken you may know the other reasons behind the extended amount of time.

But I am back! 😀

The image I chose is Mount Fiji. I chose this based on an anime Alex and I would watch where this young bubbly adolescent girl wanted to learn how to go camping in the colder months. She would get SO excited whenever she saw the mountain and I feel like seeing people react in such a way about something is something really special.